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Pulling Apart Paragraphs

Page history last edited by Georgie Ziff 4 years, 6 months ago

 

A paragraph -

 

One way colleges should use tuition money to benefit students is by redesigning their financial aid systems. Although colleges have reportedly increased their need-based financial aid, most of these precious funds go to boost tuition aid for middle-class students.Tamar Lewin from the New York Times wrote, “student borrowing has more than doubled in the last decade, and students from lower income families, on average, get smaller grants from the colleges they attend than students from more affluent families.”

Basing more award decisions on financial need instead of merit would allow more students from lower-income families to attend college.As hard economic times continue to affect family finances, some colleges are even offering emergency aid and loans, particularly in cases where parents have lost jobs (Young).More colleges must take similar steps to ensure that students from all economic backgrounds have a fighting chance at affording an education.

 

 

 

Pulled apart:

 

One way colleges should use tuition money to benefit students is by redesigning their financial aid systems.

      Introduces topic with a generalized statement and suggestion.

 

Although colleges have reportedly increased their need-based financial aid, most of these precious funds go to boost tuition aid for middle-class students.

     Illustration of topic sentence

 

Tamar Lewin from the New York Times wrote, “student borrowing has more than doubled in the last decade, and students from lower income families, on average, get smaller grants from the colleges they attend than students from more affluent families.”

     Provides example of result of action in previous sentence.

 

Basing more award decisions on financial need instead of merit would allow more students from lower-income families to attend college.

     Illustration of suggestion and results.

 

As hard economic times continue to affect family finances, some colleges are even offering emergency aid and loans, particularly in cases where parents have lost jobs (Young).

     Further illustration of results and actions.

 

More colleges must take similar steps to ensure that students from all economic backgrounds have a fighting chance at affording an education.

     Concluding sentence that reinforces topic sentence while providing transition to next paragraph.

 

 

Exercise - here is an introductory paragraph disassembled.

Recreate it in the most logical fashion, placing the numbered sentences in order:

 

     1. They are cutting down on how much money they spend in restaurants, bars, retail stores, and entertainment.

 

      2. As a result, usually robust holiday sales were down an alarming 2.8%, the lowest since 1995 (CNNMoney.com).

 

     3. If we don’t loosen our grip on our wallets and inject some much needed cash into the system, we will face far more dire economic consequences in the years to come.

 

     4. The new frugal spending habits of American consumers between the ages of 18 and 34 are endangering the very people who are trying to save money.

 

     5. Plagued with rising unemployment, widespread hiring freezes, and difficulty securing credit, young Americans are naturally turning to their spending habits as one area they can control.

 

     6. Although the desire to hold onto their money is logical, all this coupon clipping, budgeting, and thrift-store shopping threatens the key to economic recovery, what economists call “consumer confidence.”

 

     7. Even once stable retail giants like Circuit City and Sharper Image have gone out of business (Wall Street Journal).

 

 

 

Published Paragraph: 

 

(5)Plagued with rising unemployment, widespread hiring freezes, and difficulty securing credit, young Americans are naturally turning to their spending habits as one area they can control.(4)The new frugal spending habits of American consumers between the ages of 18 and 34 are endangering the very people who are trying to save money.  (1)They are cutting down on how much money they spend in restaurants, bars, retail stores, and entertainment.(2) As a result, usually robust holiday sales were down an alarming 2.8%, the lowest since 1995 ("Retail Sales"). (7)Even once stable retail giants like Circuit City and Sharper Image have gone out of business ("Liquidation Nation"). (6)Although the desire to hold onto their money is logical, all this coupon clipping, budgeting, and thrift-store shopping threatens the key to economic recovery, what economists call “consumer confidence.” (3) If we don’t loosen our grip on our wallets and inject some much needed cash into the system, we will face far more dire economic consequences in the years to come.

 

The writer frames the discussion by calling attention to specific aspects of the topic:

The agents/who it's about: the American consumers between the ages of 18 and 34.

The action by the agent: cutting down on how much money they spend...

The goal: holding onto their money

The result: we will face dire consequences in the future

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