Things to Avoid in Writing Essays

 

Missing or Pointless Title 

Consider that the title is the first opportunity to inform your reader of the thesis of the paper. Think about the 

titles of articles you have read; the title was your first clue about what the essay discusses.

 

Unnecessary "definitions"

"Air travel is a form of travel in vehicles that can sustain flight". (Really? No kidding!)

"Webster's Dictionary defines (obesity, global warming, cell phones, the internet, etc.) as..." (Duh).

Only use this strategy when discussing something relatively obscure, keeping audience and purpose in mind.

 

Revisit your thesis

  Your thesis may change as you write, so make sure the thesis:

• is not a question
• strongly and clearly states a point that is arguable
• is not a quote
• matches your conclusion, which should not repeat the thesis, but provide a closing idea to the reader 

 

Fluffy styrofoam writing that takes up space. Here is a great example of fluffy pointless writing:

"Air travel can be separated into two general classifications: national/domestic and international flights. Flights from one point to another within the same country are called domestic flights. Flights from a point in one country to a point within a different country are known as international flights. Air travel once was only for the rich and famous, but today with the advent of Globalization air travel has come within reach to common citizens. As the number of people using this mode of transportation increased Air traffic has also increased. This in turn led to construction of huge International Airports". (The reader thinks, well, duh).

 

Using Words that Do Not Add Meaning

Basically, very, really, literally, truly, personally (as opposed to...?)

 

Announcing Yourself to the Reader:

In this essay I will argue....prove...I will discuss...etc.

As mentioned before...

•  just write it! Don't waste space saying what you WILL write about.

 

Pointing the Camera at Yourself:

I think, I believe, I feel, in my opinion...

•  just write what you think - the reader will know what you think by what you write.

 

Awkward sentence construction introducing a source:

• "In the essay Blah Blah by Joanne Smith she argues that..." = RPS Repeating Pronoun Syndrome!
• Instead: "In the essay Blah Blah Joanne smith argues that..."
• Articles don't talk; authors do: "The article How to Write Effectively says that..."
• Instead: "In the article How to Write Effectively, there are a number of strategies to use to improve your essays."

 

Rhetorical Questions:

Especially in a repeating pattern: did you ever wonder, did you ever think, why is it that... blah blah blah?

•  instead - rewrite as statements.

And if writing a question, remember to use a question mark when creating a question, even if it's a rhetorical question.

 

Too many details in the introduction:

The purpose of an introduction is to:

• engage the reader
• provide background information 
• present the thesis 

Unless necessary for contextualization, save the evidence to support your claims in the body paragraphs.

Don't serve the main meal at the same time as the appetizer!

 

Useless fluffy phrases like "Due to the fact that..."

Other favorites: to this day, at this point in time.

See this webpages for more examples:

Plague Words

Word Choice

 

Topic Sentences - 

Do NOT use quotes or questions as topic sentences - they should be your own ideas that determine the content of the paragraph.

Use paraphrasing, quoting, summarizing as evidence to support your idea in the topic sentence.

One topic per paragraph; as many paragraphs as needed.

 

Too Many Quotes -

You didn't actually write the paper, but you're really good at introducing other people's quotes, and stringing them

together is almost writing a paper, right? Not quite! The reader needs to hear your voice and your ideas that are supported by the evidence, not 

replaced by them.

 

Use transitions between ideas and between paragraphs:

Don't give your reader whiplash from one idea to the next; lead the reader gently and logically along using transition words that are relevant,

don't simply insert a random "moreover" or "furthermore" if it isn't logical - "Fast food is cheaper than healthy food. Moreover, not enough schools

provide physical education courses". Make the connection clear.

 

Avoid saying "In conclusion" or "In sum"

 Instead, write a solid conclusion that wraps up the idea of the paper, revisiting the thesis without repeating it.

  The reader can figure out it's the conclusion. It's at the end. 

 

Documentation Issues 

It is called a Works Cited List because the sources have been cited in the paper.

If sources are cited in-text, they MUST appear on the Works Cited List.

 

Works Cited Page -

List the sources in alphabetical order either by author, or, if no author, by the title of the source.

Do NOT just list a website.

Cite everything: graphics, interviews, videos, statistics; everything that is paraphrased, quoted or summarized.

 

In-Text Citations -

Citations belong at the end of a quote or a section, never mid-sentence.

Do NOT just insert a website.

When using MLA formatting, DO NOT use footnotes.

 

Finally, PROOFREAD carefully!

Avoid making the same grammatical mistakes. Tie your grammar shoelaces!

A good piece of writing loses its credibility by the use of a wrong word or misused and abused punctuation.

(Your/you're; their/there/they're; definitely/defiantly; lose/loose; its/it's)

Its a disappointing result. Oops - that should be IT'S, right? Right.

 

Good examples from student papers:

 

Good Thesis Statement:

…Even though the three strikes law was designed in order to protect our citizens from dangers and to discourage convicted offenders in committing more crimes, it has violated the Eighth amendment of the U.S. Constitution, it caused overcrowded prisons, it cost more money for tax payers, and it destroyed the flexibility of courts and judges.

 

Transitioning from one paragraph to another:

Most girls try to imitate the perfect image the media… Because of this, the rates of some eating disorders in women, suchas anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa, are rising” (Derenne). “Approximately nine out of 10 young women have dieted at least once in their lives.”(Webster).

          Anorexia and bulimia are not the only health problems these girls go through because of the media influence.  “The exposure to images of thin, young, air-brushed female bodies is linked to depression, loss of self-esteem” (Media-Awareness). What is self -esteem?  Self-esteem is…

 

Another good paragraph transition:

…I have also learned that while the top 1 percent keep getting richer, the top 0.1 percent are getting richer at a much quicker pace “If the top 1 percent are the Rich, the top 0.1 percent (who today earn about $1 million or more) are the 'Stinking Rich'. Since 1979, their income share hasn't doubled; it's quadrupled. In 1973 the top 0.1 percent's share of the national income stood at 2 percent. By 2008 it was 8 percent”(Slate). That is crazy how the richer you are the more money comes to you, but that’s just how it works.

          Income inequality doesn’t just have to do with the rich and super rich, it also has to do with race and even education. According to data on the Slate website on average… So the amount of graduates didn’t meet the demand for educated people to take advantage of the economic opportunity so less people prospered. Which leads to a lack of education  becoming a big contributing factor in the income inequality gap.

          Another contributing factor to the growing inequality has been the large amount of policy changes and tax cuts enacted by the government to favor the rich.

 

Good example of integrating sources:

…First of all, the amount of DNA humans share with chimps is overwhelming. According to Cynthia Brown, “Today human being share about 90 percent of their DNA with the rest of the world and approximately 98.4 percent with our closest nonhuman relatives, the chimpanzees” (Brown 67). This number is huge, and it means that only 1.6 percent of our DNA actually makes us human. This is strange to think about. We have evolved so much, yet we still charge so much in common with chimps. The differences between us are internal differenced and some external ones as well. We have different skin, hair, eye color, hair form, and facial shape. Brown states that “These tiny genetic differences vary by population and cannot be divided into neat subcategories of people” (Christian 67). I think this is true for humans as well as chimps. We have external differences…